How the Politically Inclined celebrate Valentine’s Day

Political ValentineBy Jessica Huseman

Ah, Valentine’s Day. The day of the year when those who are single are made to feel even more alone, and coupled people are made to feel inadequate. It’s a beautiful day filled with chocolate, roses, teddy bears carrying cardboard hearts and pre-fixe dinners that cost too much and won’t actually fill you up. It is also a day where politics matters more than you think.

ValentinesLet’s — for a moment — consider the alarmingly political nature of Valentine’s Day. There is disagreement about the actual history, but all possibilities are filled with political badassery. One legend says that St. Valentine, a priest in third century Rome, rose up against Emperor Caludius II’s decision that single men made better soldiers without wives and made marriage illegal for young men by marrying young lovers in secret. Another suggests that Valentine helped Christians escape harsh Roman prisons. Yet another suggests that he carried on a secret relationship with a woman while he was in prison, writing her letters signed “From your Valentine.” All end in his execution.

So, for those of you who find yourself single on Valentines Day — don’t be afraid to celebrate anyway. After all, it’s in the name of a man who may or may not have stood up against injustice in one of three ways.

But now, let’s talk gifts, shall we?

The very new relationship

The Washington Post has been very helpful here, pointing out that candy preferences can actually be predicted by your political preferences. So for those of you who are like:

Valentines Day - 13th


…That’s ok! Because, if you are spending your time reading this blog chances are you knew her political preferences before you hooked up with her because you probably met her at a campaign rally or a block walk. And if you straight up just met them via Tinder, then chances are you went straight to their “Political Preferences” section once you hit them up on Facebook. So you might not know anything about their actual likes and dislikes, but just take a deep breath and head to your nearest Duane Reade and follow these instructions:

Democrats tend to prefer their candy be filled with extras like almonds, raisins and rice.  Republicans, on the other hand, are more likely to favor peanuts, creamy fillings and darker chocolate.”

And if you didn’t, in fact, meet her at your local political hang out, don’t worry. WaPo says everyone loves M&Ms. They come in heart shaped boxes for your convenience.

The ‘I’ve said the L word’ relationship:

For those of you who are in a more involved relationship and may be expressing other feelings, such as this one:

Valentines Day - I friggin love you


…here are some more heartfelt politically inclined gifts to make your lover swoon:

For those that refer to Valentines Day as “Singles Awareness Day”:

There is no shame in being single on Valentines Day. Give yourself a gift, and make it political.

Valentines Day - Not Lonely

Here are some options for pure self pampering:

  • Buy yourself the book “The End of Men: And the Rise of Women” by Hanna Rosin. You don’t need a man!
  • Treat yourself to a relaxing facial at New York’s Waldof Astoria. Every president since FDR has stayed here, so you’ll be cleansing your pores in the presence of greatness.
  • If your state of singleness really makes you sad — or if it makes you so happy you want to throw a raging party — it turns out that beer is also reflective of your political leanings. Drink away!
  • And of all of that sounds pretty crappy, don’t worry, season two of House of Cards came out on Netflix today.

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Posted by on February 14, 2014. Filed under Media,National Politics,Recent News,Top News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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