In today’s segment of “Mike Huckabee says something offensive” I bring you his miraculous speech at a meeting of the Republican National Committee on Thursday:
Republicans don’t have a war on women… We’re having a war for women. To empower them to be something other than victims of their gender.
If the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control, because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it… Let us take that discussion all across America, because women are far more than the Democrats have played them to be.
My first reaction:
But now I’m just like:
That’s right, ladies. Stop being victims of your gender! Stop making your husbands have sex with you all the time and breeding like rabbits! And tell the Democratic Party to stop force feeding you birth control and encouraging sexual deviancy by handing out safe sex tools! It’s time to join forces with the party that truly has your best interests at heart — the one whose people tell the truth about how we can stop ourselves from getting pregnant through mind power and about how we are neutering the masculinity right off American men! Do you feel that? That’s the Republican Party fighting for you and getting that pesky Uncle Sugar craving off your back! That’s empowerment!